Quirks.

From a very strange conversation comes a discussion on quirks. We all have them and some have more than others.

Some of my quirks:

1) First item of clothing I put on is socks. Second is shoes.
2) Starbucks more times than not ends up on top of my car - for either hours until I remember I left it there or until I drive away and watch it spill on my windshield or end up in my neighbor's yard.
3) McDonald's and Starbucks is breakfast/lunch on Friday/Saturday/Sunday.
4) I eat the same lunch every weekday in Boston (tomato basil soup and bread from Cosi).
5) I'm a control freak.
6) I'm a yarnaholic.
7) If I had could choose to live on coffee and chocolate I would.
8) I don't share well.
9) If someone loans me something they either never get it back or don't get it back in the same condition it was given to me (ask my parents).
10) I'm a slob - always have been and always will be.
11) I have a big mouth and a solid backbone and am not afraid to use either.
12) Any type of motion puts me to sleep - cars, planes, trains, cabs, etc.

What are some of your quirks????

I survived.

I gave 2.5 presentations at a conference yesterday. Both went pretty well so I can't complain. They were in different buildings with vastly different size audiences with vastly different sized expectations.

My biggest panic next to the size of the ballroom was that there was a wall size monitor for my presentation. Think floor to ceiling, wall to wall. You could have been half a mile away and been able to read my presentation.

For our conference event they opened MGM Studios just for those attending the conference. There weren't long lines, crowds were too bad and throughout the park there were open bars and buffets of food.

The night ended with the Fantasmic show - it was just unbelievable. There's a short clip online about it:

http://disneyworld.disney.go.com/wdw/entertainment/entertainmentDetail?id=FantasmicEntertainmentPage

Worse than a high school reunion

I'm at a software user conference, presenting two sessions tomorrow. I have been a consultant for 11 years now.

11 years worth of former clients, former peers, former bosses, former and present rivals/enemies are all with me at this conference.

What goes around comes around. Some peace offerings have been extended while clarifying rivals were extended.

Someone I worked with 5 years ago came up to me to let me know how he and his two peers at the time completely screwed me over and since then he has parted ways with them.

I've never been to a high school reunion but I'm pretty sure I know how it would feel.

One of my presentations tomorrow is in one of the largest rooms in the conference. I'm in a bit of a panic mode as the topic is by no means my expertise nor comfort level. It may be the longest hour of the week for me.

It's nice to see people from my past. Some great examples: I turn around and I see one of my favorite clients from 3 years ago and find out he's doing well but his boss (who I made a scarf for his wife) just went through a nasty divorce, I walk around a corner and practically walk into the guy who threw a chair at me a few years and my favorite - the guy whose mess I spent 6 months cleaning up in San Diego walks up arrogantly to me to ask me if I'll be able to salvage my current mess. He probably got the most inappropriate response from me of anyone today but I'll leave that one out of my blog.

Tomorrow's the big day - I just hope I don't choke. One of my peers had over 300 people attend his session today and another peer had 450.

I should also mention - I'm wearing a lovely lime green men's polo shirt every day of this conference except tomorrow when I'll wear a suit. The polo shirt just doesn't do me justice. It's long and oversized - it just isn't flattering.

I sometimes forget the small industry I exist in - this conference has been a painful reminder.

So What Happened?

Did I use the three forbidden words?

I used all three terms in my first sentence of the meeting.

Did I get fired?

Hell no.

Did I resign?

Yes.

Did I resign in great style?

Hell yeah. Over yahoo messenger I told my boss (who was onsite just not with me at the time) fuck this, I'm done.

Did my two bosses onsite react?

Yes.

Am I still employed?

Yes.

How will life be different going forward so this situation doesn't reoccur?

Numerous changes quickly put into place.

Why does it take extreme situations for changes to occur?

It's the real world.

Fireable Cause

Another day, another dollar. Just as I thought everything was getting better I'm blindsided with what I find an amazing term - fireable cause.

Quite bluntly, I was told that there are new rules of engagement and that if I use three specific terms with the client it's fireable cause. Those that know me know how much I adore being threatened.

I responded with - is this in an HR policy I'm not familiar with?

No. It's coming from top management I was told.

I explained the next day's meeting to this individual and the criticality of some of the meetings. My 8am meeting would easily be kicked off by defining the three "fireable cause" terms.

Again it was reiterated how if I used the terms it could and would cost me my job.

Call me arrogant, call me cocky, call me burned but don't ever call me dishonest. There's not a chance in hell I'm not approaching a meeting any differently than I do today.

The irony is that this was told to me in front of not one but two of my direct bosses. I have back up to say the least.

I'm the glue of this project. I am THE critical component, the single point of failure and the single point of success.

It's almost a challenge at this point. I appreciate the threat - I am now clear on the organization I work for and how upper management values strong, hard working resources.

I hope that I am fired. If it weren't for my diligence of seeing this project through completion I wouldn't have bothered to return from vacation. I don't work 100 hours a week by sheer enjoyment.

Tomorrow should be interesting.

If it's not one issue it's another lately...

I have an amazing amount of support in my life.

Between friends, bosses and family, my life support has helped me through one of the roughest week's I have ever endured professionally.

Whether it was an offer to help with running errands, stuff around my house, an email or just a phone call - it was my supporting cast that got me through the week.

People came through for me in ways I wouldn't have expected and I truly value everyone in my life.

With my morals and backbone solidly in place, I head to Boston today for another fun week.

And the saga continues...

Without disclosing too many details - this has been a rough couple of days and the power has shifted from me taking beating after beating to being extremely respected. To me, it's not about who is right/wrong or who wins/loses, it's about working together to meet a common goal. Diffusing what I now consider a large distraction from my actual job at hand became a priority yesterday.

I'm so naive at times that I forget people have hidden agendas, politics has it's role and fear just brings out the absolute worst in people.

Amazing that we live in a society dominated by a fear of actionable resolutions (my fancy term for lawsuit).

My company impressed me in ways I will always remember. I was pulled out of a meeting for a few minutes to meet with the most senior member of management in my company (who came onsite to meet with me face to face) who made it clear my well being above anything else was all that mattered.

A lot of true colors shown and the jackass I have been dealing with thought it best to leave site yesterday to visit his lawyer to cover his ass "just in case" versus actually just diffusing the issue with me face to face.

While he stormed offsite to see his lawyer - I covered all of his meetings and his tasks were shoved on my already overloaded plate. I came through showing my true colors: nothing I couldn't handle and proved yet another extremely productive day.

I had an amazing hour long discussion with the sponsor of my project onsite who made it clear that not only does he think I rock (my term not his) but that the bullshit will stop. He asked me why I let this jackass treat myself and my team so horribly for so long - my only response was - I was trying to act like a cohesive team, to be professional like the consultant I aspire to be.

I learned a term yesterday that is so funny it deems repeating: "project implosion" - I was told everyone would support me if I wanted to leave the project (odd that I would be the one needed to leave given the situation but ok) - that my well being comes first. My answer was my goal is to have a successful project and do what is best for this company (I'm a team player). I have worked 80-100 hours every week to ensure that this project is successful.

Their answer - "that's great to hear because we'd have project implosion if you weren't here".

I have a picture in my head of a building imploding.

This week was a close second to when I had a chair thrown at me a few years ago. Good to know that I can now make light of the situation.

Jackass and I will make our peace but he's skating on such thin ice that he won't have another chance for error. He did offer to leave the project if I wouldn't forgive him and have a working relationship.

Of course that was post his visit with his lawyer. I'll take the high road, as always.

New Year's Resolutions Interim Review

Throughout my twelve wonderful quiet days of vacation I thought hard about my New Year's resolutions - how I have met and exceeded some while consciously ignoring others. For the year of me, I grade the year so far in meeting expectations around a C-/D+. Good thing it's only April as I'm not only optimistic I can turn my year around, I have a game plan.

I have learned many new knitting techniques, finished three pairs of socks, worked mostly from my stash and went to the dentist. All other resolutions have been ignored and put to the side allowing my hours at work to have a higher priority.

A few red flags popped up on vacation that made it apparent I'm clearly not taking care of myself and upon my return I was going to make those flags disappear. The biggest concern which was apparent to everyone with me on vacation was that I was just exhausted. I slept over 18 hours my first day on vacation followed by minimally 12 hours per day every day for the rest of my time away.

Another red flag that I need to address immediately is losing weight and getting into shape. If I lose weight my back will feel better. Upon my return from vacation I'm back to low carb and am attempting 20 minutes a day of walking on a treadmill as a start.

Stress is another red flag. My work life changes - no more 80-100 hours a week, no more fire drills and no more client dominanting my nights and weekends. In another capacity stress is related to the working conditions and how my client counterpart gruffly treats me. It really annoyed me on vacation how often and intensely he yelled at me and often with an audience.

Which leads to me to yesterday's drama - with my resolution of "never again will he open his mouth and I just let him rip me apart in front of everyone". At the end of what most everyone thought was a productive, good meeting he tore me and associated his feelings for my company (geared towards me) in a horrible manner, in front of the wrong audience and misspeaking.

It was the misspeaking of facts and accusations that pissed me off like I've never been in my now 11 years of consulting. I calmly responded with - you had your say and now I will have mine - in my opinion, you are blatantly wrong based on facts x,y and z and I'll leave it at that. I thought I was calm but my team lead said my lip was quivering I was so pissed and I had the look in my eyes of wanting to jump across the table and make sure my point was made eyeball to eyeball.

I was pissed off for the misspeaking of facts but the audience members were pissed off for the horrible manner in which I was treated, yet again. Two of the highest ranking employees in the company had my back after the meeting. I was surprised that after the meeting they reacted towards this jerk's actions to me.

I left the meeting and went to this jerk's superior asking for his assistance with the situation.

After that I unfortunately reacted like the human I am - I was to the point of being so pissed off I started crying. Of course I didn't do this in front of the client (but they knew I was upset). In my 11 years of consulting I have only been to this extreme point one other time.

Very long story short, I have received multiple apologies from this guy since and was made aware that a hostile work environment is equally actionable as sexual harassment.

I am strengthening relationships with the right high level people so I don't have to worry about this jerk and will go around him to resolve situations, including when he's an asshole.

My resolution is to remember who I am and continue to be proud of who I am when I look in the mirror. I'm proud of handing the situation maturely, frustrated at how badly it upset me but I thought about how much better I handled this situation today versus a year ago versus 5 years ago.

The year of me continues, I just needed the interim review to get back on track. Like the consultant I am, I'm logically attacking the losing weight and getting into shape via a project plan; incorporating small milestones so that the overall picture doesn't feel overwhelming. I really want my back to feel better and I'm striving to run the 5K in October.

I'm blame jet lag for my 4am blogging today - I'm only now just digging out of my emails and voicemails.

On a knitting note - I finished my red lady bug opal socks, two and a half hedge hogs and the body for my sister's surprised birthday hoodie. I spent a lot of time on vacation sleeping and knitting - it was wonderful. I'll post pictures post felting of hedge hogs.